Blogging Reluctantly

Our Life. Our Memories. My point of view on both. Captured here.

Facebook March 24, 2011

Filed under: I hate it.,Love it — bloggingreluctantly @ 12:32 am
Tags: , ,

I just want to say I love FACEBOOK.  It’s an amazing addiction.  I have found new friends reunited with old,  I’ve come across some pretty strange characters.  Regardless of whom I meet I love it.  One interesting little feature is the “friends suggestion” app.  I didn’t read what the screen said too close and I sent a friend request to someone versus what I thought was a friend request coming to me, this person was suggested by another friend….this fellow facebooker is a boy that I “dated” in middle school.  Let me be clear we never actually went anywhere together but it was one of those really stupid relationships (if one can even call it a relationship) that lasted a while…in my mind it was pretty much the whole of 6th grade.  I can honestly say that I loved this young man.  He lived one town over from me, thus making seeing each other, other than at school pretty much impossible. I remember conversations with his mom, sister and his dad.  I really cared about him….which made what happened that much harder for ME.  He suddenly and unexpectedly broke up with me.  CUE the first cut is the deepest moment here.   I remember crying and crying and crying so hard and for so long that I was sick.  The tears fell in front of him, my parents, my older brothers who I’m pretty sure picked on him (being the over protective boys they were and still are!) my math teacher who sat with me and handed me kleenex.  Mr. Lintz…you rocked!  I had to move back to my own locker which hurt SO much, I know insane that I still remember all of this but it all flooded back when I saw his face on FB.

To be honest it probably was not that I missed him…which I’m sure I did, it was that first feeling of rejection, that first feeling of pain and loss and that for no reason, with no explanation people can dismiss you from their lives.  That feeling of being discarded never left me, it shocked me, it changed me.  I’m sketchy on the details for sure but I just remember that it was over.  Which at the tender age of 11 I didn’t expect some big thing where we divided our possessions and spent a million dollars to
“the that’s mine this is yours”  law firm but I clearly recall that even for the balance of the next 6 years of school he hated me.  BAD.  I sat 2 feet from this person for one whole year in a class, he never even nodded in my direction.  Never said excuse me, there was this hostility that never made any sense.  I always wanted to say “Really we can’t just be nice??”  I didn’t hate him, I moved on hell I was supposed to be married one milli-second after high school, clearly life went on…so I didn’t get and still do not get why there was all this hatred.  I think I’m an alright person, I make a good friend. 

Initially I thought HE added me, and  my reaction was WOW now that takes the G.D. random award of my life, I couldn’t believe it, that feeling was quickly squashed when I realized that I added HIM  and the feelings of random shock quickly turned into  OH.MY.HELL.ZOMG. how the FUCK do I cancel that request.   I am so terrified of this person to this day that I was ready to shut down my profile. (no joke)  Thankfully I did cancel it and there has been no further communication but WOWZA.   SO even nearly 24 years later I still wonder what did I do or did not do to this man to make him hate me with such a passion.  AND in a way I owe him a debt of gratitude.  He taught me early to love but hold back just a little, he was the first boy I ever really loved, he broke the seal on my heart.  There will always be just one little bit of me that still smiles when I think of holding his hand, the notes he wrote, this adorable little frame that his mother bought me and put his photo in that said “MyGuy” still wish I had that sucker. Of course my beautiful amazing husband who God created just for me, and me for him would fill the heart shaped cut out but Aaron was the first.  I wish only good, lovely things for him. 

Facebook, she gives and she takes away 🙂

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