I have never been a chill kinda gal. I’m high strung, type A, perfectionist. That is just how I’m wired. So when undertaking such a situation as changing my life and placing all said change in the hands of a stranger I’ve never met and more than likely will never see again after he connects the broken parts of my innerd’s I’ve been how you say??? Key’d up! Until today.
Last night as I lay in bed, I prayed. I pray everyday and not just in the context of “oh man oh man please don’t let that phone ring 2 minutes to 5 so I can leave on time” prayer, I pray for my friends, for safety of my families, for peace where there is none, for strength in the weak etc. Last night was different, I prayed specifically for those people who have wronged me. It was weird to say, Dear Lord please bless my ex may he find happiness, I even prayed for my husbands ex (who while NO ONE doesn’t deserve prayers she’s one that NEEDS prayers just not prayers said by me) I felt good after. There is something to be said about praying for someone and for other reasons than your own. I drifted off to sleep with a sense of peace.
Typically when I think about our trip to Louisville I think about all the stuff that has to get done, like cash for my brother who is house sitting and watching the girls, or gas money or making sure the directions are in the garmin, laundry, cat food….but today when I thought about the trip that is now a mere 26 days away (OMG!) it wasn’t about the tasks, it was just peace and joy. Contentment about this process, that even if it doesn’t work, which it might not….I know that I am blessed with two healthy daughters, a husband who I love more than my own life, a job (which who can ever forget to NOT be thankful for work to do!) a nice home etc…. If more children are not in our future I still feel like there is more to our story. Perhaps adoption is the path we’ll take, or invitro will call our names. Despite all of the uncertainty, this story isn’t over as the last stitch is sewn. If anything it’s only beginning. So while we’ve counted down to this, it’s really just a count down to the start. How amazing is that.
All things come from The Father, the love, the peace, the joy, the tears, the lessons. I hope I can always keep this perspective.