Blogging Reluctantly

Our Life. Our Memories. My point of view on both. Captured here.

Ipod Revelations July 1, 2011

Filed under: 30's,I hate it. — bloggingreluctantly @ 2:23 am

I’m back at my walking routine…LOVE IT. I always take my Ipod with me and I have some old music on it that does not have titles put on since it was ripped off of CD’s.  When it gets down to those songs it’s always a surprise.  It shuffled to the song by Celine Dion  “A new Day”  The lyrics if you’ve never heard it:

A new day…
A new day….

I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don’t shed a tear

Through the darkness and good times
I knew I’d make it through
And the world thought I had it all
But I was waiting for you

Hush, love

I see a light in the sky
Oh, its almost blinding me
I can’t believe
I’ve been touched by an angel with love

Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun…

A new day has… come

Where it was dark now there’s light
Where there was pain now there’s joy
Where there was weakness, I found my strength
All in the eyes of a boy

Hush, love

I see a light in the sky
Oh, its almost blinding me
I can’t belive
I’ve been touched by an angel with love

Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun…

A new day has…

Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new sun…

A new day has….come

Ohhh, a light

Hush, now

I see a light in your eyes
All in the eyes of a boy

I can’t believe
I’ve been touched by an angel with love

I can’t believe
I’ve been touched by an angel with love

Hush, now

Hush, now

 
This song was significant to me at one time, and as I walked along it felt significant again.  I feel so torn in my life. I feel torn between duty and desire.  My desire to simplify my life, and my duty to be stuck in the work a day world because bills must be paid…and life must go on.  I have this nagging desire to just be basically a hippie. Eat and live organic, walk around without shoes, garden, be still, no rushing.  Just live.  It’ll never happen, because life moves so fast.  Maybe my desire to calm things is a futile attempt to slow the clock, or maybe it’s a sign things must change I don’t know.
 
Middle of next month I have an appointment with a psychic, and I’ve been trying to gather my thoughts and questions and since my walks are the only time I have to really think I spend that 1 hour + knitting thoughts together and compiling a list of things to ask someone who may be able to see into my future and tell me what the hell is going, am I heading toward a path of real change or am I simply CCFCP (cooo cooo for Coco Puffs) The idea of having that crystal ball is a bit scary.  I want so much to have the life I’ve created, but there are days when I hate the pace and the routine and the tread  mill of working and the days that slowly burn into the next.  I just want to EAT life, not have life eat me.   Maybe I’m having a pre-mid life crisis, or maybe I have a job I can barely stand (on a good day) maybe we’ve been married nearly 4 years and the magic feels gone (still love him dearly not saying we are having issues we aren’t just NO ROMANCE), maybe my kids are almost grown and despite the fact we are TTC I find myself feeling useless.  I do not know, but what I do know is a “New Day” would really be awesome right now.
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