Blogging Reluctantly

Our Life. Our Memories. My point of view on both. Captured here.

Team Pink November 16, 2011

Filed under: Addie / B.Boy Wilson,Babies By Levin,Tubal Reversal — bloggingreluctantly @ 11:22 am
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I am a bad blogger….but I’ll try to make up for it with news of our babe.  She is a girl.  A wonderful healthy miracle who we have named Annabelle Helen.  Anna for her Great Grandma Kent and Helen for her dad’s grandmother.  Two strong women who brought over 15 souls into the world between them and if they hadn’t she wouldn’t be here either.  Our hearts are bursting at the seams with love and I can’t stop thanking God for her.  Here is some more of our angel.




I will try to get all caught up on blogging this weekend.  Our girl is 17w 5d in these photos.


11 weeks October 2, 2011

Filed under: Babies By Levin,Baby Bumps,Tubal Reversal — bloggingreluctantly @ 4:17 pm
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I think it is safe to say that I am expanding…wether I like it or not and for the record I LOVE the little being growing inside me the thicker middle NOT>SO>MUCH! Whatever though I went through a lot for this fat look and I know I’ll lose it, oh yes I’ll lose it.   As you can also see from the shot my baby girl Emma the cat wanted to be part of the show.  She is unable to have babies herself so she is soaking it all up through me.   I love her, her brother Alex and their sister the dog Lily.  It’s a circus around these parts for sure.

SO to get all caught up like, I had yet another ultrasound on Tuesday where I saw babykins moving around kinda waving at me LOL heartbeat 176.  THRILLED.  We have our NT scan on Tuesday the 11th of October which Hubby will make it to, I know these scans are sorta annoying but they make me feel SO much better.  You know what else makes me feel good my Sonoline B fetal doppler that up until about an hour ago I cursed with ever fiber of my being because no matter what I did I could not find my babies heartbeat until….I layed flat on my bathroom floor with a full bladder (side note: pregnant lady can have a full bladder almost on command..just saying) and low and behold I heard it.  167 was as high as the heartbeat went on this jankey thing…It cost $53.00 on ebay how awesome can it really be??? LOL BUT at last I don’t feel like I threw 53.00 down the toilet.  I can’t wait for hubby to get home from the gym so he can hear it!  We’ve both heard a whole lot of my own heartbeat with this thing!!!

Other than the weeks SLOWLY ticking by not a whole bunch is going on around these parts,  we are getting ever so close to the 2nd trimester which I can’t wait for and I’m looking even more forward to our scan where we get to find out what we are having.   I am trying so hard to keep things in perspective that we aren’t out of the woods yet but it’s hard.  SO hard when you want something so badly.  We love this little child so much and have so many dreams for him / her.  We just pray that everything goes the way we want. 🙂


Light House work? September 18, 2011

Filed under: Addie / B.Boy Wilson,Tubal Reversal — bloggingreluctantly @ 5:30 pm
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So last Monday our baby didn’t care for the 4 mile walk I attempted to do and we had some spotting.  Was it huge? NO, did I freak out? YEP. Because I’ve been down this sad and sorry road too many times so I went to the ER. Maybe a little bit dramatic but I am a big believer in getting the information straight between my eyes.  If the baby had passed I don’t want 2 nano-seconds of false crap.  I want to know NOW.  Needless to say after shaking so violently Mike had to hold me down we saw the heartbeat.  I think everything is okay….the part of me that has left the hospital emptied handed before leads me to say that I am going to wait it out and see.  The spotting has stopped FOR NOW.  The doctor ordered bedrest (I can work but only because I sit All.Day. and then at home it’s feet up….maybe some light housework.  What the funk is light house work? I have no idea.

On a happy note I’m told I can stop the Crinone next week Saturday which just happens to be my birthday.  Best birthday gift ever.  Though I’m freaking out about stopping because what if, what if, what if???  Everything I’ve read (and it’s a lot) says it’s safe.  Time will tell.  If I had more to take I would but it would require a refill and another 170.00 not that there is anything I wouldn’t pay to keep babykins all snuggly in there but I also need to trust the doctors.  Not something I do easily.  A new fun wrinkle in this pregnancy is the flip to “night” sickness and headaches. Oh my God the headaches.   By about 5 I am sick as a dog and my head feels like it’s in a vise. Not good times.  

Aside from the scare of a lifetime things are okay.  I’m ready to usher in the 2nd trimester and it’s only a month away. HA!  I’m off to hopefully take a 9 week 3 day belly photo.  I still feel like a bloated pig. 😦


8 weeks September 11, 2011

Filed under: Babies By Levin,Baby Bumps,Tubal Reversal — bloggingreluctantly @ 9:15 pm
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Week 7 not my best week, I felt bloated and disgusting and was too vain to take a photo of myself.  I have serious body image issues.  The beginning of week 8 isn’t looking much better.  I still have not gained any weight but I just feel awful in my skin.  This is the definition of vanity.  I don’t feel pretty or glowy I feel ugly and bloated.  My pants, bra, hell even my underwear bug me.  I’m ready to run out and get some plus size panties just to not feel like everything is sticking to me HA!   To say pregnancy doesn’t become me is a friggen understatement. 

I finally broke down and called the doctor and asked for some Zofran.  It did help but created a whole other set of problems.  I’ll spare you the details but if you want you can google Zofran side effects and yes the first and most awful one is the one I have.  SO needless to say I’m not take that anymore.  I’d rather be sick day in and day out than have that.   Besides THAT whatelse…oh anything with carbonation bugs me, and if I even think about chicken or anything spicy (gagging as I type this) I feel sick.  Pizza is good, red meat is good, sweets…UM depends on what it is.   Thinking of pizza…pizza doesn’t sound bad.  HA! My oldests father owns a pizza restaurant and Friday night when I dropped her off I had her call and order myself and our youngest a pizza. YUMMO (Hubs hates it) I didn’t eat much but what I did have was fantastic.   This whole food aversion thing is strange. I originally could have lived on Chicken tacos from Chilis now I couldn’t eat it if I had to.  Weirdo baby things.

It was fantastic to not have a Friday doctor appointment and to not have the stress and worry, we don’t go again until the 27.  3 days after my 35th and hubs 36th birthday (for those  not aware my husband and I have the same birthday) On Friday we are going to see Lewis Black in Mount Pleasant at a casino.  I’m really looking forward to that, except I’m sure there will be cigarette smoke…wonder how that’ll sit with the sickness 🙂 HA!  Let’s hope by next week at this time my vanity will be a little more under control. YEAH right.



What Crinone 8% can teach you. September 5, 2011

Filed under: Babies By Levin,BFP AND ME,TTC,Tubal Reversal — bloggingreluctantly @ 11:48 pm
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This weekend has been rough, perhaps it’s my advancing pregnancy or it’s the medicine that is allowing me to stay pregnant either way I am dreadfully sick.  Friday I clawed my way through the work day came home and slept for 3 hours.  In my bed. I never do this, but my room is always cold and the nausea and the spinning warranted cool air.  It makes you feel drunk, hung over, wildly unstable on every front and has some of the most unpleasant side effects that you’ll ever experience.  OH I forgot the fatigue.  The I can’t stay awake no matter what but when it’s normal bed time I’m WIDE ASS AWAKE, tired as a dog, fatigue.  Vicious cycle.  The sickness is so bad, I cannot open my refrigerator, or even take my prenatal vitamins because seriously they gross me the hell out. If I walk across my house I have to sit down…….

SO as I was lamenting on my woe’s of the medicine it hit me, shut the “F” up.  There are so many women who would give the teeth to be this sick,  I was one of them.  I paid a hell of a lot of money to be in this situation, we are blessed beyond measure.  This medicine is keeping our little one in there hopefully until his / her birthday but it’s at least giving us a shot.  I need to stop the complaining.  I would really really love some Zofran to knock down the sickness and at least let me WALK without feeling like I’m going to pass out.  HA!

I read a lot of IF blogs and it made me see how selfish I really am being.  All women know that pregnancy is ugly, it’s not all happy baby bumps and cuteness, it’s raw, painful, scary, and it makes you sick.  It’s hard on everyone including but not limited to your husband / partner.  One of the unpleasant side effects of Crinone is it kills your sex drive, and even if the medicine didn’t the manner of administration (ahem) doesn’t really make you want to burn up the sheets.  I know that before Crinone anything bedroom related was scary for hubs and this may be TMI but we have a really great bedroom life. NOW? NOT.SO.MUCH.  Sigh.  Again this is a price you pay.  He gets that, but I feel bad, for me I have no desire.  Him…well he’s a man. HA!

Bringing new life into this world is just plain tricky, the process is beautifully simply and incredibly complex, it’s filled with emotions and pain and unmeasurable amounts of joy.  Everytime I post here about my pregnancy my heart aches a bit for the women out there waiting to be sick, who would give everything to be me.  I think about all of you, I pray that you get your BFP.  That your pregnancy is seen all the way to the end. (and I vow to NEVER EVER wish you a sticky bean because that bugs me when others say it!)


7 weeks Exactly September 4, 2011

Filed under: Addie / B.Boy Wilson,BFP AND ME,Love it,TTC,Tubal Reversal — bloggingreluctantly @ 12:30 pm
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7 weeks exactly. Heartbeat 131. The heartbeat could be heard through my tummy which surprised me, I did have to have the dreaded internal ultrasound but I was amazed that it could be heard the “normal” way. We are  two very thankful parents.  We are out of the weekly ultrasound world.  We do not have to return to the doctor’s office until 9.27 for my actual first OB appointment.  Seems strange since I’ve been at this a month already.   I think I can breathe, but I also know it could all be taken away at any moment.


Flickers of hope August 27, 2011

We saw our wee one on Friday.  We also saw his / her little heart beat as a flickering of light.  Too light to be measured but it was there.  Daddy got to see it too.  While I have seen this multiple times it is the first time my husband has seen his own childs heartbeat.  I simply can’t imagine how that must feel. To be nearly 36 years old and to have longed to have a child and then to see it.  Brings tears to my eyes.  We were laying in bed last night talking about where we were in December.  We had tabled and untabled the children discussion many times.  MANY times.  The costs just felt so out of reach for many years.  To this day I’m still not sure how we made it work.  But we did…anyways while we were talking we recounted the stress of saving half of our years wages and then the waiting for the surgery the recovery from surgery, the waiting we had to do to start trying, the failed cycle, the false positive etc….had we done none of the sacrifice that little heart would not be beating.   It went fast for us, and we are not out of the woods, we could still have a loss but right now baby measures exactly where I thought I was.  Exactly 6 weeks today.  It’s very strange to be only 6 weeks and have already had 4 ultrasounds.  We have another scheduled for Friday 9.2.  Thank God my employer is okay with appointments.

During the last ultrasound I had another appointment scheduled for the same day about an hour and a half after the ultrasound so I could meet with a doctor and get some of my questions answered.  I have been concerned about low progesterone.  I had this with my last daughter and lost a child because of it.  On the last ultrasound a doctor within that practice stated my progesterone of 14.8 was okay and no supplements were needed.   I never felt comfortable.  My pregnancy symptoms were none.  Breast pain..minimal and fleeting.  Naseaua..not even enough to really bother me.  AND I’ve lost 6 lbs since I found out I was pregnant.  I just felt “off”  SO I explained all of this to a new doctor and she immediately put me on Crinone 8%.  It’s not pleasant but it works.  I took it last night and in three hours I get to do it again and I can already feel the effects.   Moral of this story…if something feels wrong it is.  She said they want to see over 15 and I should have been put on it.  I’m glad that I said something. 

I am so anxious to be out of the realm of these weekly visits.  I do not like this attention.  I love to see my peanut (or LUMPY as we’re calling him / her because that is what it looks like!) but it’ll be nice to just be any other pregnant lady on a once a month rotation of appointments.  It makes me feel high risk, and I hate it.  6 more weeks till the end of the trimester.  I’ll be so happy to be on the other side.  If God gives us the opportunity to get that far.