Blogging Reluctantly

Our Life. Our Memories. My point of view on both. Captured here.

What Crinone 8% can teach you. September 5, 2011

Filed under: Babies By Levin,BFP AND ME,TTC,Tubal Reversal — bloggingreluctantly @ 11:48 pm
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This weekend has been rough, perhaps it’s my advancing pregnancy or it’s the medicine that is allowing me to stay pregnant either way I am dreadfully sick.  Friday I clawed my way through the work day came home and slept for 3 hours.  In my bed. I never do this, but my room is always cold and the nausea and the spinning warranted cool air.  It makes you feel drunk, hung over, wildly unstable on every front and has some of the most unpleasant side effects that you’ll ever experience.  OH I forgot the fatigue.  The I can’t stay awake no matter what but when it’s normal bed time I’m WIDE ASS AWAKE, tired as a dog, fatigue.  Vicious cycle.  The sickness is so bad, I cannot open my refrigerator, or even take my prenatal vitamins because seriously they gross me the hell out. If I walk across my house I have to sit down…….

SO as I was lamenting on my woe’s of the medicine it hit me, shut the “F” up.  There are so many women who would give the teeth to be this sick,  I was one of them.  I paid a hell of a lot of money to be in this situation, we are blessed beyond measure.  This medicine is keeping our little one in there hopefully until his / her birthday but it’s at least giving us a shot.  I need to stop the complaining.  I would really really love some Zofran to knock down the sickness and at least let me WALK without feeling like I’m going to pass out.  HA!

I read a lot of IF blogs and it made me see how selfish I really am being.  All women know that pregnancy is ugly, it’s not all happy baby bumps and cuteness, it’s raw, painful, scary, and it makes you sick.  It’s hard on everyone including but not limited to your husband / partner.  One of the unpleasant side effects of Crinone is it kills your sex drive, and even if the medicine didn’t the manner of administration (ahem) doesn’t really make you want to burn up the sheets.  I know that before Crinone anything bedroom related was scary for hubs and this may be TMI but we have a really great bedroom life. NOW? NOT.SO.MUCH.  Sigh.  Again this is a price you pay.  He gets that, but I feel bad, for me I have no desire.  Him…well he’s a man. HA!

Bringing new life into this world is just plain tricky, the process is beautifully simply and incredibly complex, it’s filled with emotions and pain and unmeasurable amounts of joy.  Everytime I post here about my pregnancy my heart aches a bit for the women out there waiting to be sick, who would give everything to be me.  I think about all of you, I pray that you get your BFP.  That your pregnancy is seen all the way to the end. (and I vow to NEVER EVER wish you a sticky bean because that bugs me when others say it!)

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Flickers of hope August 27, 2011

We saw our wee one on Friday.  We also saw his / her little heart beat as a flickering of light.  Too light to be measured but it was there.  Daddy got to see it too.  While I have seen this multiple times it is the first time my husband has seen his own childs heartbeat.  I simply can’t imagine how that must feel. To be nearly 36 years old and to have longed to have a child and then to see it.  Brings tears to my eyes.  We were laying in bed last night talking about where we were in December.  We had tabled and untabled the children discussion many times.  MANY times.  The costs just felt so out of reach for many years.  To this day I’m still not sure how we made it work.  But we did…anyways while we were talking we recounted the stress of saving half of our years wages and then the waiting for the surgery the recovery from surgery, the waiting we had to do to start trying, the failed cycle, the false positive etc….had we done none of the sacrifice that little heart would not be beating.   It went fast for us, and we are not out of the woods, we could still have a loss but right now baby measures exactly where I thought I was.  Exactly 6 weeks today.  It’s very strange to be only 6 weeks and have already had 4 ultrasounds.  We have another scheduled for Friday 9.2.  Thank God my employer is okay with appointments.

During the last ultrasound I had another appointment scheduled for the same day about an hour and a half after the ultrasound so I could meet with a doctor and get some of my questions answered.  I have been concerned about low progesterone.  I had this with my last daughter and lost a child because of it.  On the last ultrasound a doctor within that practice stated my progesterone of 14.8 was okay and no supplements were needed.   I never felt comfortable.  My pregnancy symptoms were none.  Breast pain..minimal and fleeting.  Naseaua..not even enough to really bother me.  AND I’ve lost 6 lbs since I found out I was pregnant.  I just felt “off”  SO I explained all of this to a new doctor and she immediately put me on Crinone 8%.  It’s not pleasant but it works.  I took it last night and in three hours I get to do it again and I can already feel the effects.   Moral of this story…if something feels wrong it is.  She said they want to see over 15 and I should have been put on it.  I’m glad that I said something. 

I am so anxious to be out of the realm of these weekly visits.  I do not like this attention.  I love to see my peanut (or LUMPY as we’re calling him / her because that is what it looks like!) but it’ll be nice to just be any other pregnant lady on a once a month rotation of appointments.  It makes me feel high risk, and I hate it.  6 more weeks till the end of the trimester.  I’ll be so happy to be on the other side.  If God gives us the opportunity to get that far.