Dear future son or daughter,
Tomorrow I will drag my tail to a lab, they’ll test my blood and in 24 hours our lives will change. I am terrified, more so than any other time in my life of what the results will be, not when I first rode a roller coaster, nothing like the other really difficult times in my life…this, this is something else. It’s about you. I want you so much, I long to feel you grow, I can’t wait to be sick as hell during the next few weeks, and the thought of feeling you kick makes me weak. The numbers I receive over the phone line will make or break our dreams. I tried to be brave, but I’m not. My heart is raw with fear, it’s hard to describe how you can love someone so much, especially when that someone can’t be seen with the naked eye.
You are the result of years of wishing and hoping and longing to have a piece of us on this earth. We love you so much, and would do anything, give anything just to have you with us one more second. Your daddy has waited his whole life for a child, nearly 36 years. He’s ready for you. I’m beyond ready to love you. We’ve got a pretty nice life this family, it’d be worth it to stick around and see how it plays out. I promise, there will be toys (you already have some including but not limited to a sock monkey…come on kid a sock monkey you have to see that!) movies, fun, tickles, laughter, vacations, TURKEY meat (oy with the turkey meat) big cookies, facebook (HA!) and photos. SO many photos. I pledge that you’ll know we love you, you’ll grow up in a peaceful house, you won’t know sadness (or at least we’ll shield you as much as we can) your parents will stay married no matter what, (None of this every other weekend nonsense) all in all….it’ll be good.
So kiddo…please stay strong, take whatever you need, settle in. I will send down some chocolate, pickles, hot sause..you name it it’s yours. Just don’t leave.