Blogging Reluctantly

Our Life. Our Memories. My point of view on both. Captured here.

14 weeks 2 days October 23, 2011

Filed under: Addie / B.Boy Wilson,Babies By Levin,Baby Bumps,Love it — bloggingreluctantly @ 5:13 pm
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Hey Yo, it’s been a bit since I’ve posted.  Thankfully things are smoothing out…well aside from my insane stomach problems but let’s be real that ALWAYS is a problem and will still be a problem even after Wilson baby 1st edition is on the scene. We had our NT scan which was good, first round of blood work was good.  The babies heart rate has settled into a nice 145-150 range and I am getting rounder every day.  I’m still in awe of the fact that I am expecting.  I think when my water breaks I’ll still be in awe.  I have to say that everyday that ticks by this baby and I bond a little more.  Hubby has really started bonding as well.  He asks to hear the heartbeat and frequently rests his hands on my stomach at night.   Something that makes my heart skip every time.  I didn’t think it was possible to love him more but having him love this baby already makes me love him more. 

We have our next appointment on Tuesday and we find out gender on 11.28.2011 the first Monday after Thanksgiving.  We have so much to be thankful for this year.   Until next time…

 

11 weeks October 2, 2011

Filed under: Babies By Levin,Baby Bumps,Tubal Reversal — bloggingreluctantly @ 4:17 pm
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I think it is safe to say that I am expanding…wether I like it or not and for the record I LOVE the little being growing inside me the thicker middle NOT>SO>MUCH! Whatever though I went through a lot for this fat look and I know I’ll lose it, oh yes I’ll lose it.   As you can also see from the shot my baby girl Emma the cat wanted to be part of the show.  She is unable to have babies herself so she is soaking it all up through me.   I love her, her brother Alex and their sister the dog Lily.  It’s a circus around these parts for sure.

SO to get all caught up like, I had yet another ultrasound on Tuesday where I saw babykins moving around kinda waving at me LOL heartbeat 176.  THRILLED.  We have our NT scan on Tuesday the 11th of October which Hubby will make it to, I know these scans are sorta annoying but they make me feel SO much better.  You know what else makes me feel good my Sonoline B fetal doppler that up until about an hour ago I cursed with ever fiber of my being because no matter what I did I could not find my babies heartbeat until….I layed flat on my bathroom floor with a full bladder (side note: pregnant lady can have a full bladder almost on command..just saying) and low and behold I heard it.  167 was as high as the heartbeat went on this jankey thing…It cost $53.00 on ebay how awesome can it really be??? LOL BUT at last I don’t feel like I threw 53.00 down the toilet.  I can’t wait for hubby to get home from the gym so he can hear it!  We’ve both heard a whole lot of my own heartbeat with this thing!!!

Other than the weeks SLOWLY ticking by not a whole bunch is going on around these parts,  we are getting ever so close to the 2nd trimester which I can’t wait for and I’m looking even more forward to our scan where we get to find out what we are having.   I am trying so hard to keep things in perspective that we aren’t out of the woods yet but it’s hard.  SO hard when you want something so badly.  We love this little child so much and have so many dreams for him / her.  We just pray that everything goes the way we want. 🙂

 

Light House work? September 18, 2011

Filed under: Addie / B.Boy Wilson,Tubal Reversal — bloggingreluctantly @ 5:30 pm
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So last Monday our baby didn’t care for the 4 mile walk I attempted to do and we had some spotting.  Was it huge? NO, did I freak out? YEP. Because I’ve been down this sad and sorry road too many times so I went to the ER. Maybe a little bit dramatic but I am a big believer in getting the information straight between my eyes.  If the baby had passed I don’t want 2 nano-seconds of false crap.  I want to know NOW.  Needless to say after shaking so violently Mike had to hold me down we saw the heartbeat.  I think everything is okay….the part of me that has left the hospital emptied handed before leads me to say that I am going to wait it out and see.  The spotting has stopped FOR NOW.  The doctor ordered bedrest (I can work but only because I sit All.Day. and then at home it’s feet up….maybe some light housework.  What the funk is light house work? I have no idea.

On a happy note I’m told I can stop the Crinone next week Saturday which just happens to be my birthday.  Best birthday gift ever.  Though I’m freaking out about stopping because what if, what if, what if???  Everything I’ve read (and it’s a lot) says it’s safe.  Time will tell.  If I had more to take I would but it would require a refill and another 170.00 not that there is anything I wouldn’t pay to keep babykins all snuggly in there but I also need to trust the doctors.  Not something I do easily.  A new fun wrinkle in this pregnancy is the flip to “night” sickness and headaches. Oh my God the headaches.   By about 5 I am sick as a dog and my head feels like it’s in a vise. Not good times.  

Aside from the scare of a lifetime things are okay.  I’m ready to usher in the 2nd trimester and it’s only a month away. HA!  I’m off to hopefully take a 9 week 3 day belly photo.  I still feel like a bloated pig. 😦

 

7 weeks Exactly September 4, 2011

Filed under: Addie / B.Boy Wilson,BFP AND ME,Love it,TTC,Tubal Reversal — bloggingreluctantly @ 12:30 pm
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7 weeks exactly. Heartbeat 131. The heartbeat could be heard through my tummy which surprised me, I did have to have the dreaded internal ultrasound but I was amazed that it could be heard the “normal” way. We are  two very thankful parents.  We are out of the weekly ultrasound world.  We do not have to return to the doctor’s office until 9.27 for my actual first OB appointment.  Seems strange since I’ve been at this a month already.   I think I can breathe, but I also know it could all be taken away at any moment.

 

Ya know… September 1, 2011

Filed under: Addie / B.Boy Wilson,Babies By Levin,BFP AND ME,I hate it. — bloggingreluctantly @ 12:52 am
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What I hate. I hate this mid-week scare that I have waiting for Friday.  Friday is our next ultrasound and somewhere around this time of the “wait” is when I think about how this is never going to work out.  How I won’t see a heartbeat and I’ll have this image in my head that I’ll chew on over and over of a blank ultrasound screen.  No happy feelings, just a miserable memory that will haunt us.  I hate this.  Initially I wanted 3 more children.  To tell you the truth if we have a boy first (and IF this pregnancy lasts) this may be it.  I have never been so scared.  I want off this roller coaster.  (not by a miscarriage) I want so badly to enjoy this pregnancy.   I also think that starting to have OB appointments this early is horrible.  You know to much, you fear to much, you have all of these people making you feel like it’s all gonna go down the drain.  Imagine if I didn’t step foot inside an OB office for 3 more weeks.  OH MY HELL all this stress wouldn’t be.  I know to much. 

I feel turned inside out.  Maybe it’s the Crinone…maybe it’s just life because we are BUSY YO. (can I can a HELL YEAH on school starting???) BUT me thinks it’s my lack of control.  I hate not having control.  I know that I’m not in control but DAMN IT I want to be…..A panic attack can’t be far away.

 

Flickers of hope August 27, 2011

We saw our wee one on Friday.  We also saw his / her little heart beat as a flickering of light.  Too light to be measured but it was there.  Daddy got to see it too.  While I have seen this multiple times it is the first time my husband has seen his own childs heartbeat.  I simply can’t imagine how that must feel. To be nearly 36 years old and to have longed to have a child and then to see it.  Brings tears to my eyes.  We were laying in bed last night talking about where we were in December.  We had tabled and untabled the children discussion many times.  MANY times.  The costs just felt so out of reach for many years.  To this day I’m still not sure how we made it work.  But we did…anyways while we were talking we recounted the stress of saving half of our years wages and then the waiting for the surgery the recovery from surgery, the waiting we had to do to start trying, the failed cycle, the false positive etc….had we done none of the sacrifice that little heart would not be beating.   It went fast for us, and we are not out of the woods, we could still have a loss but right now baby measures exactly where I thought I was.  Exactly 6 weeks today.  It’s very strange to be only 6 weeks and have already had 4 ultrasounds.  We have another scheduled for Friday 9.2.  Thank God my employer is okay with appointments.

During the last ultrasound I had another appointment scheduled for the same day about an hour and a half after the ultrasound so I could meet with a doctor and get some of my questions answered.  I have been concerned about low progesterone.  I had this with my last daughter and lost a child because of it.  On the last ultrasound a doctor within that practice stated my progesterone of 14.8 was okay and no supplements were needed.   I never felt comfortable.  My pregnancy symptoms were none.  Breast pain..minimal and fleeting.  Naseaua..not even enough to really bother me.  AND I’ve lost 6 lbs since I found out I was pregnant.  I just felt “off”  SO I explained all of this to a new doctor and she immediately put me on Crinone 8%.  It’s not pleasant but it works.  I took it last night and in three hours I get to do it again and I can already feel the effects.   Moral of this story…if something feels wrong it is.  She said they want to see over 15 and I should have been put on it.  I’m glad that I said something. 

I am so anxious to be out of the realm of these weekly visits.  I do not like this attention.  I love to see my peanut (or LUMPY as we’re calling him / her because that is what it looks like!) but it’ll be nice to just be any other pregnant lady on a once a month rotation of appointments.  It makes me feel high risk, and I hate it.  6 more weeks till the end of the trimester.  I’ll be so happy to be on the other side.  If God gives us the opportunity to get that far.

 

Update August 20, 2011

HCG ~ 1700+

Transvaginal ultrasound showed a gestational sac in the uterus.  Progesterone 14. Things look good…real good. But we’ll rescan on Friday just to see if a yoke sac is present and God Willing a heartbeat. 

As I sat in the little room at the doctors office I peaked out the window and within my field of view I saw 4 crosses on top of a church next door.  It gave me peace.  Peace that My God Is Faithful, God Is Good, God Is Just.  No matter what that scan showed me I knew it in that moment that all I already knew to be true, was true.  For some reason those crosses were a sign to me.  I am humbled to have gotten this far in having another baby.  What a Gift our God Gives us.  I know that this baby is not mine, he / she is not my husbands, he / she belongs to God.  I will never lose sight of how blessed we are to have conceived at all.  It was not my testing, charting, reasearch.  It was and will always be a gift from above.